Sunday, 12 April 2015

Divine Protection

There was a baby born with myelomeningocele commonly known as Spina bifida with hip and foot deformities. The mother was told she needed to plan her baby's funeral. Children born around that time with spina bifida had about a 10% to 12% survival rate. The baby survived but was left paralyzed and there was a bleek outlook for their future.

As a young child, they were burned with cigarette butts and boiling water, starved and abandoned.  Separation anxiety disorder developed as a result of being tossed from home to home and then finally adopted into a family that would give them everything they needed except love, respect, kindness. They were taught that they were born to be a slave.

They were given piano lessons, horseback riding lessons, swimming lessons, guitar lessons, private coaches for competitive wheelchair sports, this child seemingly had everything they could ever want in life. But they were not allowed to feel anything without permission.  All the stuff in the world made no difference because this child was being taught that they were worthless.  All the extra activities and talents that were developed were paid for and forced on them in an effort to make them (the parents) look like good parents, like nothing was wrong.  It was used as a tool to make the child look perfect, like they were the happiest person in the world, that they could do anything.

Sexual, emotional and physical torture were a part of every day life at home.  No one would have ever guessed by simple observation the kinds of trauma that were being engrained in this child's mind and heart.  It continued on until they moved out years later.

Keep reading though. This isn't just about bad things.

They missed most of third grade due to surgery and hospitalization because of other complications After getting out of the hospital, chicken pox butted up it's ugly head, followed by red measles and then mumps.  At this point, the hospitalization had been for so long that the limited amount of ability they had gained to walk had to be relearned from scratch due to atrophy.

Throughout teenage years, cartilage was removed twice from the right knee due to an equestrian accident, a toe was amputated, and their nose was broken.  Shorty before graduation, the stress and trauma of life had accumulated so much that severe anxiety issues finally began to surface in their fullness with failing grades and nervous breakdown.  Valium was prescribed, the adoptive mother noticed the difference and proceeded to rip through all their belongings and bedroom in search of drugs they suspected this child was "dealing" or "doing".

The summer after graduation they were assaulted by someone they were dating.  Ribs were removed because of injuries sustained and an extreme allergy to latex was discovered during treatment at the time when they went into shock and a defibrillator was needed.  Because of complications from this event, college only lasted for a year due to injuries and effects from the assault.

But there's a good side to all of this. Just keep reading.

Deep depression ensued because they had very little left to celebrate in their life for a time.  In an effort to combat this they worked for suicide prevention in an effort to find reasons to keep going as well as give them to others.  This, however, resulted in further trauma from callers and eventually they quit after one caller pulled the trigger over the phone, shooting themselves in the head.

A possible threat of colon cancer was suggested by a doctor several years later.  The diagnosis of crohn's was made instead and allergies aside from latex were discovered.

A few years later several more problems came up around the same time.  Ulcers on both legs were becoming commonplace, lymphedema set in and chronic problems like acid reflux, high blood pressure and insomnia were making life even harder.

Of course, the only reason I would know this much about a person's life, unless I had known them from birth is if this person was... yup, you guessed it, me.

I don't want all of you to think that my life was all bad. I know I have painted quite a grim picture. During the times of greatest trial I always had help from my Heavenly Father. Now I can't tell you everything that has been shown to me, but I can say that I have had plenty of help from on high.

When I was around 8 years old, when I was in the hospital, and when the abuse was at its worse. I had this recurring dream. It started with being punched in the face by these little men at the end of my bed, when they had knocked me out, my bed started spinning through a tunnell and it landed in someone's backyard. The back of the house was the shape of a barn but it was white instead of your typical red. The backyard was surrounded by a white picket fence and the ground beneath me was covered in yellow roses. I then saw a beautiful women step out from the side of the house and she would come and sit with me on the bed and talk to me all night.

This went on every night until I was 15. The dream ended permanently when the woman asked me to get up and smell the roses with her. I was walking around the garden and bent down to pick one of the roses, when I picked it I fell to the ground and woke up, and that was the end of it. I later found out who the person was in the dream, but I cannot share that with anyone. Suffice it to say that she was one of my guardian angels.

In highschool once the dream stopped Heavenly Father brought an earthly angel into my life. I can't mention  his name in this blog, However I'm sure if he reads this he will know that I am referring to him. He was the only one I would talk to about things going on at home. He seemed to naturally take on the roll of protector. Nobody could hurt me when he was around, and if they tried to and he heard about it.... well let's just put it this way, you wouldn't want him to find you. I was in a wheelchair again by this time, and nobody was allowed to touch my wheelchair except for him unless he wasn't going to be at school, and then he would ask someone he trusted to help me.

He also saved my life, but doesn't really know that he did. It was purely by accident I'm sure on his part. My mother had threatened to hit me over the head with a cast iron frying pan one morning, she held it over my head while screaming threats at me.  I was terrified, but I was also very depressed that day after she left the house. She only put the frying pan down because I grabbed for the phone to call the police and it scared her.

After my mother left, I wanted to end my own life. I grabbed the biggest knife I could find and was about to shove into my heart when the phone rang, and it was him. He never called me, and he hated talking on the phone, but he called anyways and I answered. He talked to me for hours that day, but I didn't tell him what I was about to do. I believe that Heavenly Father whispered to him that day, to give me a call. If he didn't listen to that prompting I can honestly say that I'm not sure I would be here right now.

My last post talks about the things that happened next with joining the LDS church and how that was a protection for me.

Then I met someone who would be my friend for the rest of my life. Again I cannot mention his name, he wouldn't want me to. But he has been the only friend aside from my husband that I could talk to about spiritual matters. He understands the things that I see and has been able to give me insight into things that I don't understand. He has helped me by offering spiritual protection through priesthood blessings, and long gospel disscussions. He keeps me focused on what really matters and doesn't get caught up in the drama of my life. He can quickly bring me back to reality and remind of of the amazing blessings that I have recieved from my Heavenly Father.

Now I must take a moment to talk a little bit about my husband. We met at a time when I was struggling again with depression. He was a missionary when we first met, and I really didn't like him very much. Don't get me wrong, I love all the missionaries, but he just rubbed me the wrong way. He was very hyper and played the piano way too fast and loud, but he was a missionary so I put up with it. When he got home he started to call me. I told him of my depression, and he said he would call me everyday for a week to make sure I was alright. He became my earthly angel. I'm not going to write our whole story out in this blog, I will save that for a future blog. But I believe that the Lord worked many miracles to bring us together, and I know that the Lord put us together to be a protection for each other.

So to wrap things up the Lord has given me so many blessings and protection throughout my life. He has taught  me how to love through the kindness of my Heavenly and earthly angels. I have only mentioned a few people here that have been instrumental in my life. There are a myriad of others that are too many to mention here, but if you are one of my friends or family reading this know that you are loved by me and that I appreciate your friendship. I am so blessed to have so many kind loving friends and you all know who you are. I am eternally grateful for all of you.